Many years ago, a child in the class was asked to “quit interrupting”, “sit still”, “stop daydreaming, don’t fidget” or “just focus”. No one was intrigued or asked why.
Many didn’t consider that the constant finger-drumming, leg-shaking, mind wandering, and the disruptive energy might have been the nervous system asking for support, not a character flaw demanding correction. That child silently listened to the adult rebuking and grew up.
Surprisingly, many of them now talk to me in therapy, discovering as adults that they have ADHD. They’re grieving the childhood they missed out on if only someone had looked closer.
What could have been: Imagine a teacher observing a restless child and asking gently, “I notice you’re having a hard time sitting still. What do you need right now?” rather than “Behave yourself or you’ll be given a timeout. You’re constantly moving. It’s distracting!”
Imagine the same child being met with curiosity instead of rebuke or punishment. Being taught and told that their brain wasn’t broken; it was just different. This single shift in perspective, from shame to empathy and understanding, can alter the entire trajectory of a life.
The truth is, being around people, especially kids who have ADHD, can get challenging. But it is not a character deficit or a flaw.
The brain simply regulates attention, impulses, and energy in a different way.
And like most forms of neurodivergence, it comes bundled with real strengths: quick thinking, creativity, agility, hyperfocus on things that matter.
These aren’t consolation prizes. They’re genuine assets, often overlooked because time was spent on focussing on what looks ‘wrong’ instead of what seems ‘right’.
For adults I work with, part of their healing comes with extending grace and understanding oneself after realising that their past struggles deserved more kindness than they were given at that time.
One needs to go back and offer that misunderstood child the validation it never received. It’s about learning to separate a person’s identity from diagnosis, and struggle from self-worth.
If you’ve recently discovered you have ADHD, or suspect you might, please know this: It’s never too late to understand yourself differently.
Reaching out for an evaluation or a conversation with a mental health professional can be a meaningful first step.
You weren’t too much.
You were never given the right kind of support through the lens of kindness, compassion, and curiosity.