Every pregnancy is a story.
But not every story is conveyed in the same way.
For many years, the traditional narrative of pregnancy is painted in rainbows and pastels: a soft, glowing journey of pure bliss, eager anticipation and maternal instinct.
Whereas, this single-sided version ignores a deeper, more complicated truth.
A general idea of pregnancy
For most women, pregnancy is exactly how they’ve imagined it to be. Two red lines on a home pregnancy kit, first scan in the sixth week showing a strong heartbeat, a belly that grows right on schedule, resulting in a smooth first trimester.
Few sail through with little or more tiredness, odd midnight food cravings, and meet their babies after nine uneventful months.
That experience is very real, and something to be grateful for. No one should feel guilty for having it.
However, this is only one version of the story.
The pregnancy lived one week at a time
For some women who get a positive pregnancy test result, joy isn’t the first emotion they experience.
It brings dread!
Maybe because it is the third or fourth pregnancy after earlier losses.
Maybe it arrived after years of trying that were accompanied by tracking their fertile window, multiple hormonal injections, follicular studies, surgical procedures, and monthly heartbreak. When a woman has waited that long, every twinge, pain, and even a mild cramp feels like a warning sign that something may or can go wrong anytime.
Every trip to the bathroom is made with a nervous energy that results in an inspection. An upcoming scan is a held breath, and every week that goes by is not looked at as a milestone, but a narrow escape.
These women are often told by their gynaecologists, family members, friends, and colleagues to ‘relax’ and ‘stay positive’ as if anxiety were a choice.
The truth is, their bodies have taught them that a heartbeat today is no promise of tomorrow.
They are afraid to announce anything, or even picture a nursery.
For them, hope and grief live in the same chest.
When complications show up uninvited
A pregnancy that started well can go the other way in no time. Issues like preeclampsia, gestational diabetes, placenta problems, early amniotic fluid leak, and a shortened cervix can appear suddenly in the mother.
For the baby, a scan might reveal growth concerns or a heart defect. With twins or triplets, the risk multiplies. One baby may thrive while the other struggles, and parents are left facing impossible decisions.
A pregnancy can swiftly move from celebration to specialist appointments, complete bed rest, and hospital stay almost overnight.
Careless words and insensitive behaviour
After battling abrupt complications, the pregnancy sometimes cannot be taken to full term and has to be terminated. Unfortunately, what follows is how this bad news is delivered most of the time.
Many women have been told they are miscarrying in a flat, rushed tone: “There’s no heartbeat”. “It’s not viable; talk to your doctor about your options”.
These statements are said without a pause, a tissue, and a single word of comfort.
The irony is, while the woman and her partner are still processing what was told to them, they are sent back to the waiting room. They sit among women with round bellies, glowing and resting a hand on their bumps, while their own world has just collapsed.
Imagine holding grief in public, surrounded by the very thing you have just lost. They overhear a nearby mother chat happily on the phone about how the scans and reports look good and discussing the possible due date.
It is a small, avoidable cruelty that leaves an everlasting wound.
Clinics, radiologists, lab technicians, and doctors can do better. A quiet room, a gentle voice, empathy, a moment to simply let that person be before being a patient.
What do we owe to these women and men?
Pregnancy isn’t a single story. It is joy for some. But fear for many and heartbreak for more women and men than we admit.
If you know someone walking on this anxious path, kindly skip “Everything happens for a reason…" and “Stop focussing on what’s gone. Start trying again!” *Instead you can say, “I’m thinking of you and I’m here when you need me”. Ask how she and her partner are really doing and believe their fear.
To every woman and man holding their breath through another week: your worry makes sense, your grief is real, and you are not alone.